IF TRUMP WAS A WOMAN…

“Wonder Woman punching Donald Trump street art on white wall in Center Street” by Dakota Corbin on Unsplash

Imagine for a moment, that the current president, Donald J. Trump, was in female form, but still himself as we know it. Come with me on this little game of pretend and connect the dots. Hehehe, some fun awaits!

The American people elect an older woman to the highest office in the land. She’s a bit frumpy with a wacky hairstyle, and bad make-up that makes her face look orange. EVERYONE at the cosmetic counters all over this country — and abroad — are trying to give her a makeover. Much time is spent denouncing her looks, her age, and the nerve she has to go out in public. We are all embarrassed. The French offer assistance.

But wait, she’s been married 3 times, and had numerous affairs, some that even led to new marriages. She also ended up having children with 3 different men, and sometimes, not being able to help herself, she found some sugar candy in visiting male porn stars. Having money, she could always pay for sex when she wanted.

Oh no! This woman is a major slut! This woman is a jezebel! Who does she think she is being President of the United States! She is not a role model for our youth, especially not our young women. She should be a nice grandmother baking cookies and making tea, but instead she’s still pretending she can get any guy she wants if the price is right, and thinks they’re all enamored with her fame and fortune. All of America is disgusted and doesn’t believe a word she says.

Oh and yeah, as far as believing a word she says, well, it’s hard to do, and we found out too late that she is a pathological liar. She lies about everything and then insists it’s the truth. Also she’s a bully, especially to nice people and people that have good morals. No, our president is the chair of the Mean Girls Club. She saunters down the hallway of the middle school with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth and her tough girl shades on. She badgers the studying girls to fight her, but cozies up to the meaner, older bullies whom she admires greatly. Plus, she herself never studies anything. She relies on her “gut”. She is full of false pride and a puffed up belief that she is special. She also hates science, mainly because she can’t understand it and doesn’t even know how to spell the word.

I haven’t yet mentioned that part of her Mean Girls Club initiation for possible entrants is the necessity to get away with saying a thing is the opposite of what it actually is and then convincing a large number of people it is true. (This is aided by her Foxy Friends Club that has a TV show.) Becoming a master at confusing people, conflating topics and causing a disruption is her favorite game. She’s what we call a drama queen.

Unfortunately, she’s awfully two-faced and catty too. She gets into petty cat fights everywhere!

Her highly emotional, constant state of PMSing, even though she’s well into her menopausal twilight years, causes her to throw tantrums and no one knows what she might do next. She’s like Glenn Close in that 80’s movie where she boils a pet bunny in a pot. You never know what she might be up to. She’s super shrill too.

“Shrill” is a word they love to describe women like her. She’s very egocentric, but only God knows why, as she is way past her prime and totally unattractive in every way imaginable. She’s far too emotionally volatile for public office. And most of us are rightfully scared.

She gives special roles to her family and her bff’s, paying no attention to the bad look of nepotism. She holds lavish parties with her favorite friend in the EPA and lets her get away with murder! Well, actually not murder, but lots of other mainly white collar crimes. Now she’s fixing to hold an expensive parade for her own entertainment! The nerve!

Her predecessor was cuter, younger, and had a good body, so she’s super jealous and tries to undo the good things previously done, even if everyone knows they were good. And she tries to outdo everything that didn’t get done and make a big deal out of it. That’s what jealousy does.

It’s hard being a mean, middle school girl or a bully that never grew up. We warn our children about types like her.

A woman like this could never be president of anything. She would be ridiculed, humiliated and punished by being publicly shunned and shamed or completely ignored.

What a double standard we still weave… for this President Trump uses all of these tactics to convince us that he is “tough”.

In more civil times, we remember that toughness of spirit, moral courage, and tenacity are not the traits of bullies. And, we remember, bullies are not at all “tough”, no matter how you spin the lie.

But if this current president were a woman right now, then he would’ve already been impeached and the Republican-led Congress would be all over him like a fly on honey. He would be a laughing stock. The Evangelicals would hate him. He would be toast.

Clearly, we don’t live in that world.

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